You might have read my wife’s perspective on our marriage. And there is so much more that she needs to share. I think her experiences can help enlighten others. And now I feel like talking about what it is like to be married and in love with a Christian. Maybe what I see and feel can be enlightening, too. That, or at least this piece will satisfy the nosey person inside of you.
So, as you might know, I am not a Christian. I am a Possibilist and a member of every religion and none because everything is possible…get it? Or, perhaps I’m just a very confused person who just doesn’t know which candy to choose.
Our perspectives do clash. I won’t lie to you and say they don’t. But we do make it work, and we’ve both gained something out of it. Some of our arguments are intense, and I have to admit my wife can really get down. That is one thing that angers me and attracts me to her: her ability to go head-to-head with me in a thoughtful, intelligent manner.
Now, let me talk about what I want to talk about. I love my wife more than…well, who knows, but I know that I love her beyond explanation. Oh, you should also know that our lives are a little hectic. We live day by day, and we work hard. I work to the bones for our family, but do you know who she thanks? She thanks God. I must confess reading that makes me feel like I’m just whining. But I am just being honest. I understand why she thanks the man upstairs. And it’s not like she doesn’t appreciate my efforts, she does. Of course, she thanks me, but she thanks God first.
The fact that she thanks God is not the only thing that bothers me. I am also jealous of the love she has for this being. I feel like I’m here for her. I am the one who tries to make her happy. She takes our hard earned money and donates some to her Godly endeavors, yet I don’t believe this God deserves any of it. And she loves this God more than she loves me. There is no one above her in my book…I’m just saying. Is it totally evil to admit I feel under-appreciated and under-loved just a tad bit?
The obstacles that make our lives difficult are quite vexing. I put up with those hardships because it is my nature. And I have always felt like Rocky. I just punch harder the worse things get. And I feel like a winner just by trying, even if I know my battle is futile–and this is where we have another issue. Before I say anything, I understand the Bible does not say being a Christian would be easy. My wife will probably say being a Christian comes with a whole new set of struggles. Why? I’m assuming that part is simple to understand because being a Christian means you are the Devil’s enemy. And if that beast is real, Christians are brave little warriors.
But I am not a Christian, so I am the “world.” If my wife is correct about the existence of a God, then I see only one culprit for all our troubles through my “worldly”-eyes. And I’m assuming you already know who I’m going to blame if you have read my letter: the being that is in charge of everything that happens and the being that can easily derail any little dart the Devil throws at you.
You have to see it the way I do. I see God as the emperor and the Devil as the head of his militia. The Devil punishes those who cross God. The Devil keeps and tortures the enemies of God. The Devil is so devoted to his duty that I wouldn’t be surprised if he is torturing himself for God.
Now, this Devil might be torturing our lives. And all I see is a God who allows the Devil to continue to beat us down. I am working, trying, failing and yet I get up again to fight for me and my love, even if I am caught in the crossfire. And, as I get up to take another punch, guess what I see? I see that Godfather scene, except it’s my wife kissing the hand of the emperor. And the door is closing on me. I think it is in our family’s best interest for her to give up her faith in this so called ‘God,’ and maybe our lives will just be normal.
Thank you for reading my rant. But do not misunderstand me because I also see the good that God brings to my beauty. She is such a humble person. And she keeps going even when most would just give up. Her heart is so big, and she does not want one person to burn in the Lake of Fire, including me. She loves me, even though we are on two different sides.
I also want to say that I’m sorry to her and to any Christian that may read this. I understand how much you may love God and that my thoughts are hurtful. I imagine it feels as bad as I would feel if someone talked smack about my wife. I wish I could see things through her eyes. Perhaps I wouldn’t feel slighted and unsupported.