You may know that I am married to Ruben who is not a Christian. Marriage is a holy union created by God, but it was my blatant disobedience that was wrong: I spiritually yoked myself to an unbeliever for life. (Romans 7:2)
Now, some say the act of marrying an unbeliever is not a sin. I disagree. It’s like committing fornication and getting blessed with a child. I believe the act (not the union or marriage) is sinful because of several passages and verses, such as 2 Corinthians 6:14. Simply put, disobedience to God’s Word is sinning. And, we even see in 1 Corinthians 7:39 that widows can only marry someone who loves the Lord. Single (never married) people are not excluded here. 1 Corinthians 7: 12, 13 says we should not leave an unbelieving spouse. One way this situation occurs is when one spouse comes to the Lord and not the other, which I believe is still similar to me because my relationship Christ was quite shallow; it lacked substance. However, if the unbeliever wants to depart, we should let him or her go–though that doesn’t mean we’re free to marry another as you can see in verses like Romans 7:2 mentioned above and 1 Corinthians 7: 10, 11.
When I was dating my husband, I followed my heart, which can be deceptive. I didn’t understand the spiritual contract I was making with my spouse and the Creator, but that doesn’t matter (for heathens or believers).
We had a private ceremony in Spain and another celebration with friends and family when we came back home. The first year of my marriage was weird. For some reason, I was happy with my husband and life but was terribly distressed. I would get severely depressed about the smallest things, and I remember one time the thought of suicide randomly popped in my head, which was weird. I felt like something was oppressing me. (sometimes depression is spiritually rooted)
Time moved on, and whatever belief I had in God became distorted. I began to allow worldly philosophies to become a reality. A little more time went by, and I began to suffer from severe insomnia and felt like something was bothering me in my sleep.
That was just the beginning of a series of unfortunate events, which led to my husband and I’s world being flipped upside down. It gets quite surreal, horror-movie scary, and painful. I plan to share this experience in more detail in our arts ministry, Taste Unity. We all have a story, and God wanted me to go through that experience. I know now that I was a Spiritually weak (or a pseudo Christian), and as a result, I wasn’t prepared for battle. Thankfully, God picked me up, strengthened my faith, and equipped me with the full Armour of God. Ephesians 6:11-17
I also know that my husband came with spiritual baggage that I could not see. This demonic stronghold is something I can see move in his whole family. But these invisible problems are everywhere, and only Christ’s blood can protect you.
With all that, I must say that I am madly in love with my earthly mate and can’t see myself without him. We talk for hours and reminisce about our happy and sad times. We’re oddly inseparable. We have philosophical debates, and he helps strengthen my faith. Each year, I fall more in love with him with Godly Love. It’s amazing seeing God work in me and show me what true Love is (1 Corinthians 13:4-8; etc).
But, of course, I am not perfect, and I have weak moments. There are times I feel regretful and ashamed of my actions. Sometimes, I don’t want to be in a marriage where we are on two different sides. I want us to have the same spiritual foundation. I wonder if I could have chosen an easier path and find myself flying though my memories before my world was so brutally awaken.
These are the times when God talks to me and tells me He is in charge. He lets me know that my choices are His plan. He is perfect, and I am counted as righteous with Christ’s blood. These experiences were meant to humble and strengthen me so I can be who Christ wants to be. And, somehow, I know all of my choices will work out for my good.
I’m learning to be content with my current state and taping into that happiness that lives in me. I know that wallowing in regret and shame is damaging on multiple levels of my being. I am learning from my past but not living in it. So I continue to pray for my husband and our marriage without ceasing. I know that God may rest on him someday, and I’m praying for that moment.
I am a child of God, so the enemy will always try to break my faith by attacking my sanctified marriage and anything else.
God is my escape from the heartaches that come in this life. So I get lost in His Word, prayer, and praise and end up in a garden of communion. I am truly learning that to get through this life, God is the only phix I need.
Shalom,
